Sunday, 12 July 2015
Hot on the heels of my suggestions for the Winter Olympics, I bring you a new addition to my awkwardly named "How to Improve The"… series..
The tour is great;, there's no denying it. The beautiful scenery, the exhausted riders, the climbs, the beautiful scenery, the crashes and the scenery. It's got everything. ALMOST.
The kids and I believe with just a few easy tweaks it could be even better for both riders and spectators alike.
The Red Jersery
This is worn by the competitor who has lost the most skin (by surface area) to date. Not only would it allow other riders to give him a wide berth as the riding gets technical, it would also elicit an extra cheer from sympathetic spectators I'm sure (as they slowly backed away from the railings on the tight corners).
The kids and I have noticed the rider's tendency to jettison their water bottles in the last few kilometres of a stage, no doubt to the to the surprise of anyone picnicking nearby. So we thought that having the riders competing for the Blue Jersey - awarded to the one who can throw their bottle the furthest - would add excitement to that already tense finishing sprint build-up. It would also allow spectators to flee the danger zone as the blue rider approached.
The Gold Jersey
This should be worn by the rider on the most expensive bike. My thoughts are that no-one would actually WANT to wear this jersey - due to the added pressure and likelihood of being jeered on a bad day, so it might go some way to keeping the race accessible for all teams.
The Grey Jersey
Oldest rider, obviously.
The Brown Jersey
Rider with most offensive farts in the peleton. This is really more of a service to the other riders, than something riders would aspire to.
The Black Jersey
Given to the heaviest rider. Designed to garner extra support from the spectators on the hills, and also to be slimming, of course.
The n-1 bike allocation
I've saved the best (although possibly the most game-changing) for last. My idea is that each team is only allowed to use n-1 bikes in each stage where n is the number of team members they have in the stage that day. So if they have 6 riders, they can only use 5 bikes, and they must get all the riders across the line within the time limit or they lose another rider (and bike) for the next day. Imagine the strategy dear readers! You'd have to dink obviously, but the question is do you have a really small and light rider (like the coxswain in rowing?) - called Le Dinkour, who specialises in sitting on the crossbar? Or do you make sure all your riders can take their turn on the pedals. Also this rule could actually be advantageous to a team if someone was feeling ill or was injured on a stage.
Genius I know, I'll be sitting by the phone waiting for the tour organisers to call.