Thursday, 24 June 2010
In the event that one of us gets called up as a late inclusion into a World Cup team, I think it is important that we know the playing basics:
1. How to take a throw-in:
Go to the side-lines at least 5 metres up field from where the ball went out. Recieve the ball from the ball-boy, then take a long run-up (in the upfield direction of course) ensuring you've gained at least 1/4 of the pitch by the time the ball leaves your hand.
2. How to take a free kick:
Have your team member put down the ball for you about 3 metres forward of where the incident took place (the ref won't worry about a measily three metres). Look quizically at the placement of the ball as if to say 'that's clearly not sitting on the right seam' - approach the ball, pick it up, spin it round and place it a further 2 metres ahead of the original spot. Perfect.
3. How to get the most out of your field time:
If you are not a great actor you may need to resort to measures such as putting bindis down your socks so that when you are touched by an opposition player's tackle, you can scream and fall to the ground appropriately.
4. Remember though - Karma is an excellent thing - and to France I say - hahahahahahahaha